I almost forgot how this works, it’s been so long… 

Work has been such a struggle, full-on stress, big rain clouds overhead with thunderstorms… and the possible end of the tunnel may not be till 2012. I feel overwhelmed and drained, I’m just so tired. I… don’t… know… if… I’ll… make… it… {God, I need You to step in. Give me the strength and a better attitude to get through it.} 

But Noah brightens our life, he is so full of energy and curiosity and he is talking so much now. We’re so amazed every week at the new words he’s using and the sentences he’s making. I love how he plays and pretends, it’s so adorable and creative. 

Tonight before he fell asleep, he was reprimanding one of his stuffed animals: Bu yao da! (No hitting!) Bear ku ku. (Bear’s crying.)

He makes my heart super happy and he gave me so many kisses today. I sure needed them.

I told S about my bad day at work and he went to get some comfort food for dinner. It was very nice of him. I’ve been indulging in quite a bit of comfort food as of late. Oh…. better watch it! 

I would like to eat 3 fresh round glazed donuts from Donut Tree! With a cup of coffee! And not think about the calories. That would be oh so heavenly. Mmm…. 

Part of our bedtime routine is to read books. He has a lot to choose from but every month or so, N will tire of one and move onto another. I’ll say, “N, do you want to read a book?” He will look over to where all the books are and crawl over. I’ll lay out his favorites on the floor in front of him and say, “Do you want to read this one, this one, this one, or this one…?” He will look and quickly point, tap, or grab one.

So we find a cozy spot on the floor. He sits on my lap and we read. I’m in charge of reading the words and pointing out the cool animals, flowers, balls, etc. He’s in charge of flipping the pages and getting excited about the cool animals, flowers, balls, etc. I love our reading time. It’s like reaching outside of our room. There is so much I want him to see and experience. We can’t do them all and we especially can’t do them all right now, but we can read and look at pictures.

Tonight as we were reading, he turned to look up at me and kissed me, twice! Whoa! Did my heart just melt into a puddle on the floor? My first freely given kiss on this very beautiful day.

I often pray that he will know how much we love him. I never thought perhaps he may want us to know the same.

My heart will float away now.

Wow, hi! It’s been a long time, xanga. The last time I wrote in you, I was still pregnant.

And in a week, on Father’s Day, N will be a year old!

Whoever said that having a child is like having your heart walk outside of your body should get the grand prize.

N is toddling now! It started out as accidental little steps as he was playing. He’d get this look of, “Waaaiiitt… I don’t know how to do this” and fall to the ground. Now he is starting to take more steps and still falling… more confidence in his steps and less care about falling. He falls a lot. He still crawls most of the time.

I think to myself everyday, “He is so amazing! And God is so amazing!” A little cell becoming a personality all his own? This amazing, wonderful, lovable, adorable being who hugs, smiles, hides, cries, kisses, plays tricks on us…?!  

Just amazing. I am so blessed I get to be his Mom.

FYI…

Send a copy of your baby’s birth certificate to this address and get a free congratulatory note from the president.

White House Greetings Office
Room 39
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Oh wow… has another month passed?

Month 7
Week 27 – You weigh about a head of cauliflower and are about 14.5″ long. You sleep and wake at regular intervals, opening and closing your eyes. With more brain tissue developing, your brain is very active now.
04/06/09 – W27D2 - I woke up in the middle of the night with weird tailbone pains. It hurts when I walk, sit, get up, bend over, cough, sneeze, turn… Daddy felt so bad for me I think he teared up. He made me a hot water bottle to lean on but you kept kicking so much. I realized it might have been too warm for you. Now he is out to buy me a donut cushion to sit on.
04/08/09 – W27D4 - My tailbone pain is almost all gone. Pregnancy sure does interesting things to a woman’s body.
04/09/09 – W27D5 - Uh oh, my belly button is getting pretty shallow.
04/11/09 – W27D7 - How nice of Auntie Anne and Uncle Luke to let us use their infant car seat and stroller. It’s like brand new! Now we have something to bring you home in from the hospital.
Week 28 – You weigh around a head of Chinese cabbage and measure 14.8″. You can blink your eyes that may be able to see light filtered through my tummy. You also have eyelashes now! You’re developing billions of neurons in your brain and adding more body fat.
04/12/09 – W28D1 – Auntie Katelyn and Auntie Aileen took Mommy out for a fun girls’ day. I was treated to watch the Mama Mia musical and a delicious meal. They also bought you the cutest clothes and gifts. I felt so spoiled today! I am overwhelmed by the love and generosity of so many friends.
04/14/09 – W28D3 – Daddy is so cute when he is half asleep. He awoke when I was getting ready for work. With half opened eyes he mumbled, “I love you and I love T-Rex.” Then, “zzzzz…”
04/16/09 – W28D5 - T-Rex, did you eat a can of Popeye’s spinach? Your movements are getting much stronger. Even your hiccups feel big now. I’m so excited you’re growing bigger and getting stronger… except when you dance on my bladder.
04/17/09 – W28D6 - The nurse said you have a strong heartbeat @ 144 beats/min. She let me listen to it for a little longer. I loved it. I’ve gained 11 pounds to date.
04/17/09 – W28D6 - We went shopping with Grandma L tonight. She saw some cute outfits and had to buy them for you. There are many people excited about your arrival.
04/18/09 – W28D7 - Ann GuGu threw us a nice baby shower today. Grandpa/ma S prepared so much yummy foods and even set up a video camera. You got a lot of goodies from Daddy’s side of the family.
Week 29 – You weigh like a butternut squash and are slightly over 15″ long. Your muscles and lungs are continuing to mature and your brain is growing bigger to make room for your developing brain.
04/20/09 – W29D2 - The sight of a pregnant woman brings out the humanity in many people. I had dropped something today and a stranger rushed over to tell me he’d pick it up. I love being pregnant!
04/21/09 – W29D3 - I got to see you again today! I was so pleansantly surprised to see that you are noticeaby bigger and chubbier! You weigh in at 3 lbs and 1 oz, that’s 3 times what you weighed 2 months ago! Daddy was bummed he couldn’t be there. He gave me a DVD-R so the technician could record it for him. We watched it tonight. We saw you making a sucking motion with your mouth. We think you are so cute!
04/21/09 – W29D3 – Daddy came across a dead baby bird today, it made him so sad. It was so young it didn’t even have feathers. He took pictures to show me. It made me sad, too.
04/22/09 – W29D4 – You had the hiccups for quite awhile today. Daddy and I laid in bed and enjoyed feeling your rhythmic movements.
04/22/09 – W29D4 – I brought your ultrasound pictures to share with my coworkers. They think you are so cute. There’s one of you that they all love so much. It looks like you’re blowing bubbles.
04/24/09 – W29D6 – I learned today that when my stomach gets really hard, it’s not you, they’re braxton hicks, contractions to prepare me for labor and delivery. I was pretty bummed. This whole time I thought it was you trying to find a cozy spot in there.
04/25/09 – W29D7 - Amy Ah-Yi and I went grocery shopping tonight. We went to the produce section to use their scale. You weigh about a bag of grapes plus a head of lettuce. We took turns holding them to feel how heavy you are.
Week 30 – You are now 15.7″ and weigh about a head of cabbage. Your eyesight continues to develop.
04/27/09 – W30D2 - It’s 4 in the morning. I don’t feel good and I can’t sleep. This being the 3rd trimester w/ the doctors’ concerns I often worry that you’ll want to make an early debut. I know I need to give all this up to God. It seems when I worry about you most you start having the hiccups, like now. Stay inside another couple months and hiccup for me, will you?
04/27/09 – W30D2 - I learned something new about Daddy today: he likes black berries! There’s so much to learn about a person, especially ones you love. I can’t wait to learn about your likes and dislikes, your natural talents, see your personality come through…
04/30/09 – W30D5 - I’m getting nervous now that there’s only 2 months left. We still want to redo the bathroom and get new carpet/flooring before you arrive. We actually meant to do this when we moved in 6 years ago… but you are the catalyst that’s going to make it really happen.
04/30/09 – W30D5 -  Daddy tied a stuffed dog/pillow to himself today to see what it’d be like to carry you around in a baby carrier. He’s going to go to the gym tonight to work on his back so he can carry you longer.
05/01/09 – W30D6 - I’m worried because I’m getting these braxton hicks so often. I pray they’re not affecting your heart rate especially b/c we know my condition could cause you problems in the 3rd trimester. We’re waiting for the nurse to call back. Daddy can only try to comfort me. Please just keep moving so I know you’re okay.
05/02/09 – W30D7 – 14 years ago today Daddy and Mommy started dating. For our anniversary, Daddy promised me he’d clean the house. That makes me so happy b/c we have LOTS to clean!

Month 5 (cont.)
Week 21 – You are about 10 1/2″ long and the length of a carrot! Your eyebrows and eyelids are present now!
02/22/07 – W21D1 - Daddy felt you kick for the first time after I ate an ice cream cone. You kicked especially hard today for him. He thinks you’re pretty cool.
02/24/09 – W21D3 - I got food poisoning from bad fish or chicken and threw up all our food! I sympothize with women who have bad morning sickness and throw up all the time. Let’s count our blessings.
02/25/09 – W21D4 – My vision has been clear lately. My opthamologist said pregnancy increases estrogen levels, thus moisturizing my eyes. Thanks, buddy!
02/25/09 – W21D4 – I didn’t feed us much today. I’m sorry. I was worried because you weren’t moving much. Are you feeling sluggish like me? But when it came time for dinner Daddy made us chicken soup with rice. You were moving so much that my stomach was physically poppin’! Good boy!
02/28/09 – W21D7 – Daddy’s nickname for you isn’t “peanut” or “pepper” or something cutesy and small like that. Instead, it’s “T Rex”, a big ferocious dinosaur! Haha. It’s so cute when he calls you T Rex.
02/28/09 – W21D7 – Grandpa/ma L haven’t seen an ultrasound in about 30 years. They were captivated by your recording. Grandma L said, “How cute!”

Month 6
Week 22 – You are 11 inches long and almost a pound. You are starting to look like a mini newborn. Your pancreas, essential for producing some important hormones, is developing steadily.
03/02/09 – W22D1 – We showed Grandpa/ma S and Ann Gugu your video today. Grandma S exclaimed how miraculous life is. It sure is! Grandpa S gave me a case so your DVD could have a proper home.
03/02/09 – W22D1 – Sometimes when I don’t feel you move for a long time I get worried and poke my belly. Daddy gets protective and tells me to leave you alone and let you sleep.
03/04/09 – W22D3 – Sometimes I stand in front of the closet for a long time trying to figure out how to dress this changing figure. Thanks to Auntie Katelyn I now have a box more of maternity clothes to wear.
03/05/09 – W22D4 – I was devastated today to find that I had lost 2 pounds. I’ve only gained 4 pounds after 5 months?! My mommy friends have been so encouraging and made me feel better. Auntie Tien treated me to 2 scoops of ice cream to fatten me up.
03/05/09 – W22D4 – I haven’t been sleeping well this week. I bought a throw blanket to leave in my car so I can take a nap during lunch. Remember, sleep is a GOOD thing, especially on Saturday mornings.
03/06/09 – W22D6 – Daddy caught my cold and I caught it back. Daddy said he and I were singing coughing duets last night. I hope we won’t be singing coughing trios in the future.
Week 23 – You are about the size of a large mango. Blood vessels in your lungs are developing to prepare for breathing.
03/10/09 – W23D3 - I coughed all night and you’d kick everytime I did. I’m sorry I keep waking you up. You are probably really tired, aren’t you? Me, too.
03/11/09 – W23D4 – T Rex, you were especially active tonight. I love lying down with my hand on my tummy and feeling you or watching you kick and move. You are amazing to me.
03/14/09 – W23D7 – We went to Babys R Us to set up your registry. We are totally confused on all the different products and brands. Thank God we have friends who are parents.
Week 24 – You are almost a foot long. Your brain is growing quickly now and your taste buds are continuing to develop. There are so many yummy foods waiting for you to grow up and try!
03/15/09 – W24D1 - Daddy thinks my tummy is now bigger than his. Hmm… I don’t know. But mine is definitely harder!
03/16/09 – W24D2 – Yay! I don’t have a high blood sugar problem. Also I’ve gained 7 pounds to date.
03/18/09 – W24D4 - Thanks to you, I have the perfect excuse to not have to travel for business! Woohoo!
03/19/09 – W24D5 – Daddy has had meetings for 3 nights in a row. I’ve barely seen him all week and I’m feeling especially lonesome tonight. But then you kicked and I was reminded that I was not alone. Let’s go a walk.
03/19/09 – W24D5 – God used you to remind me that He is always with me, even when I don’t feel Him. He is a constant companion to those who receive Him into their life. I would be lost without Him. Baby, I pray you’d come to know and love Jesus.
03/20/09 – W24D6 – We got to see you again today but you were shy and we couldn’t see your face. Dr B thinks you’re cute and is happy with your growth. You are in the 50th percentile which is perfect! Not too big and not too small.
03/20/09 – W24D6 – Amy Ah-Yi is taking an NICU class and tonight she read me some of her lecture notes about breastfeeding and premature babies. I am certain that I have never been this curious or anxious to meet someone my entire life but please stay inside until you are full term.
03/21/09 – W24D7 – Whenever I smell Pond’s night cream it reminds me of Grandma L. That’s because she’s been using it for as long as my nose can remember. I wonder what smell(s) will remind you of me when you grow up.
Week 25 – You are about 13.5″ and weigh about 1.5 pounds. You are starting to put on some baby fat and grow more hair!
03/22/09 – W25D1 - Today we celebrate our church’s 30th anniversary by taking a group picture in the parking lot. I tried to get my belly in the picture to include you but there were too many people.
03/24/09 – W25D3 - My co-workers give me their empty bottles/cans for recycling. A nickel per bottle, this will go toward your diaper fund!
03/25/09 – W25D4 - Whoa! I slipped on the new cafeteria floor at work today! But all is well, it was just a little slip and I got away with only one slightly bruised knee. Phew!
03/26/09 – W25D5 - I am looking more pregnant now. Some days I just feel fat but today I’m feeling beautiful.
03/26/09 – W25D5 – I dreamt last night that I stored bags and bags of breast milk in our freezer then we had a power outage. Argh! All that milk went bad! Booo!
03/26/09 – W25D5 - You have bony feet… or knee… or elbow… or something. I love feeling you move inside. Sometimes my tummy will get really hard in one spot and I wonder which body part you’re sticking out.
03/26/09 – W25D6 – Amy Ah-Yi spent many hours today re-lining our kitchen cabinets. Phase 1 of our house clean-up. She did such a nice job and can’t wait to have you situated in our little home.
Week 26 – You weigh about a pound and 2/3 and measure about 14″ long. The network of nerves in your ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. Can you hear us talking out here?
03/29/09 – W26D1 - I felt you have the hiccups for the first time today. So cute! They say this is a sign of good health! Yay, baby!
03/30/09 – W26D2 – Daddy had his phone on the loudest setting. When it rang in the middle of the night, it woke me up in a startle. It startled you, too, as I felt you kick in response. Wow, you can really hear! Daddy said, “Maybe he was trying to hit the snooze button.”
03/30/09 -W26D2 -God willing, we hope that you will get to have a brother or sister one day and experience the deep love and friendship of that of a sibling.
03/31/09 – W26D3 – Though labor and delivery is a scary thought, I’m so glad that women are the ones that get to have babies grow in their womb for 9 months. I love it when I feel you moving around inside. Though daddies can sometimes feel from the outside, they truly are missing out.
04/03/09 – W26D6 – I learned today that the Chinese characters for “uterus” means “child-palace”. Chinese people sure are witty. T Rex, you are living in a palace.
04/03/09 – W26D6 – Grandma L offered to let me have 2 pairs of her nice comfy flats. That’s so sweet! That is a mother’s love. Maybe it’s not easy for a boy to understand but it’s especially hard for most women to part with nice, comfortable shoes.

I can’t believe I’ve got about 2.5 months left before I go on maternity leave!! What?! Time is moving so fast. I realized it this morning as I was walking to my desk. Like a strong cup of coffee, wide awake now!

For some strange reason, or it could just be paranoia, I think the baby will come early. I wish there was a set date and that everything would happen on schedule… no funny surprises. Plan everything to the hour. Today we go have a baby: Remit into hospital at x hour. Request for epidural at x hour. Push baby out at x hour. Day x: Bring baby home.

Work has been terribly busy lately. I’ve been sitting with a co-worker for knowledge transfer on the days when I don’t telecommute. But it’s hard to train b/c every scenario is different. I should just relax and do the best I can to dump my brain out. Plus, there’s no better training than on-the-job training. On the last day of my first job, one of the managers noticed that I was still in the office in the evening trying to make a chart of where I put everything. He told me to go home and celebrate. Then he told me that everything will go on, no one is irreplaceable. It’s like sticking your finger in a bucket of water, when you take it out, there’s a ripple but eventually it goes back to normal. It was sad and a relief at the same time.

Funny…

This past month has been physically taxing. It all started with some random cold. I started getting better, S caught it, I got food posioning, then I caught back the cold. My immune system is whacked out. I haven’t gotten food poisoning for years. Haven’t thrown up for 10+ years. Haven’t re-caught a cold, ever. I feel like I’m barely hanging on each day and can lie in bed forever even if it’s just staring at the wall.

I had googled a few weeks ago if coughing is harmful to the baby. And the internet said, no problem, it’s like the baby is just getting jiggled in the womb. But I spoke to my OB brother last week and he said that excessive coughing is not good for the baby. Waaahh!!!

Month 5:
Week 17 – You are 5″ long and 5 oz now. Your skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone. Your sweat glands are starting to develop. I’m not much of a sweat-er, your Dad sweats like a regular person, I guess.
01/25/09 – W17D1 - Woot! Woot! Auntie May to the rescue with 2 bags of her maternity clothes!
01/25/09 – W17D1 - We went to Grand-Uncle S’s house to celebrate Chinese New Year tonight. Everyone is so excited about you! You will be the first of your generation born to the S family here in the States!
01/27/09 – W17D3 – I noticed that my hair takes much longer to grow back after I shave my legs. Nice! God is thoughtul. He knows that it’d be harder for me to reach down there later and decided to give me a break.
01/27/09 – W17D3 – I have officially become the pregnant woman that pees a lot.
01/28/09 – W17D4 – Daddy says he can feel my stomach sticking out more when he hugs me.
Week 18 – You’re 5 1/2″ long and 7 oz now. You are busy flexing your arms and legs. That’s what I need to be doing, too.
02/01/09 – W18D1 – We are going to visit a home daycare tomorrow. I dreamt last night that so many of us went to check it out together. Daddy and me, Amy Ah-Yi, Grandpa/ma L, and even Great-Grandpa/ma L showed up, too! We all wanted to make sure it was a good place for you.
02/01/09 – W18D1 – Oh my! SO many pregnancies this year! You’ll have a lot of friends to grow up and play with. 13 and counting.
02/01/09 – W18D1 – I think I felt you moving today at the superbowl party? And on the ride home? It didn’t feel like gas. It was a constant motion which I’ve never felt before. Was that you? If so, do it again!!
02/02/09 – W18D2 – Daddy and I both liked Tseng Ah-Yi a lot. We think she would provide a very loving and nurturing place for you while we are at work. How I wish I could stay home and take care of you myself.
02/02/09 – W18D2 - I caught a bad cold. I feel terrible. Too bad the cold meds I take are not baby friendly. Do you feel it when I’m sick?
02/03/09 – W18D3 - I am so miserable. Thank God for Daddy who takes care of us. I need to continue to eat well for you but I’m just so tired. I don’t know if it’s psychological, but I feel like my belly shrunk. Are you okay?
02/04/09 – W18D4 - Daddy is talking to you more lately. Today he was telling you about so many of our friends who pray for us regularly.
02/05/09 – W18D5 – Daddy made me pear soup. He will make that for you, too, when you’re sick.
02/07/09 – W18D7 - I got a text message from you today that said, “I love you, Mommy”. Your Dad is a riot.
Week 19 – You’re 6″ long and weigh 8 1/2 oz. Your sensory development is exploding. Some research suggests you may be able to hear now. Hello in there! We love you! And what do you want to eat?
02/09/09 – W19D2 – Everyone tells me how small my belly is… it kind of makes me nervous. But the doctor said it was okay. I will listen to her.
02/10/09 – W19D3 – I now turn into the street of your daycare on my way home from work. This is how I will come pick you up in the future.
02/11/09 – W19D4 – Bloodtests show that I’m slightly anemic; lacking iron. I’m going to try to eat more red meat and dark leafy vegetables.
02/12/09 – W19D5 – What do you do in there all day? Do you get bored?
02/14/09 – W19D7 – I woke up in a coughing spell at 2:30 in the morning which broke me down into sobs. How terrible it is to be you right now, like being trapped in a terrible thunderstorm? And I am the one causing it. Are you okay in there?
02/14/09 – W19D7 - Phrases I googled today: 1) Does coughing hurt the baby? 2) Why don’t I look pregnant yet? Thanks to the internet, I am feeling better now.
Week 20 – Go, baby, go! We have hit the halfway mark! From now on, we measure you from head to heel, and you are 10 inches long! You weigh about 10 1/2 oz.  You are swallowing more these days, good practice for your digestive system.
02/18/09 – W20D4 – We saw you through an ultrasound today, it’s all recorded on DVR. You were so cute when you were trying to grab your feet! It’s the first time we’ve seen you move. I can’t wait to snuggle you in my arms.
02/18/09 – W20D4 - My baby boy! We found out your sex today. We are thrilled! Now it’s time to pick out a perfect name for you. I have some names in mind. I hope Daddy agrees.
02/18/09 – W20D4 – Mommy has gained 6 lbs since the pregnancy. The ultrasound technician says you weigh about 13 oz! That’s more than what babycenter.com says babies about your age weigh. Aha! And everyone thinks we’re small! She said that everything about you looks great! Yeah!
02/19/09 – W20D5 - Last night at bedtime, I felt you moving on my left side. I poked you gently and you kicked back! I poked, you kicked. I poked, you kicked again. It was so fun! I love interacting with you. You make me so happy.
02/21/09 – W20D7 – This morning I dreamt that you were kicking a lot. The next thing I knew you were out! You were 20 weeks early but the size of a regular newborn. I was so scared you were premature and your organs not fully developed. But the nurse said it was fine. I skipped work and I got to hold you.
02/21/09 – W20D7 – I came across a cute outfit and I could not resist. My first purchase. I can imagine my little boy in this outfit, cuddly in my arms.
02/21/09 – W20D7 – Grandpa/ma L took me out for steak tonight b/c I need more iron and protein. They are always trying to think of foods to feed me b/c they want you to grow healthy and strong.